Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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