how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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