Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
The Olympian is in my bed
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
