I hate all girls vehemently.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Randomize
