Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
