is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize
