i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Randomize