O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
