My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
