Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
