I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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