You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just pee around me
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
