I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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