i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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