She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
