i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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