Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
