My sheets look like a crime scene.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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