Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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