I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
