I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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