If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
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