I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize
