So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
