Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
