Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
