i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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