The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize