apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
