Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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