"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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