just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
