i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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