you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
