Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just invented taco cereal.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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