oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
