Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
