Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
