Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
