turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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