Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
