I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
