There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize