No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
