Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
