You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Randomize
