I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
