i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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