He is an equal opportunity slut.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
