You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Four minutes until I can fart!
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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