Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
