the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Do you have feelings for this penis?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
