There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
