why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
