Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
