is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
