so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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