Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
