So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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