he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
