Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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