You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
