wrigley field is MILF paradise
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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