I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
