How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
