Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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