He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
