Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Randomize
