i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
how drunk are you?
Several
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
