i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
