You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just invented taco cereal.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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