is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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