Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Actions speak louder than pants.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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